Bring it on!

Very early one morning, last week, I got a disturbing phone call. On the other end the person used every conceivable obscene word in the Trinidadian language and she spoke about my skin tone, repeatedly saying that I was Black.

I did not need a reminder of my skin colour, I live with it everyday. Sad for her though, I am probably one of the most completely satisfied persons about being dark-skinned. I love it. Sometimes I wish I was darker, less blemishes. Long ago, in my fragile and un-wise youth, I thought that being a reds or even sapodilla brown was the thing to be. After too many experiences and way too many moments of self-defeat and insecurity, I have grown and learnt to appreciate me, and all of me. So now I own a Black car, a Blackberry (well its TSTT’s own) and I have a Black man and a very handsome Black son. Black is the new White, please recognize.

Why do we as Black people, all shades, hues, hair textures, cut each other down, based our skin tone differences? We, at least in the eyes of the White, are Black, all of us. If you have lived in any of the First world countries, or even visited, you would know this and learn to appreciate the fact that it is not such a big deal here in Trinidad.

I struggled to accept my natural hair, because it was difficult to manage and my father hated my current hairstyle, and he is afro-centric. My hairstyle was chosen, not to make a statement or to become part of a movement but it was at the time something to do, new and different. Now that it is growing and a little more presentable and easier to style, I may consider leaving it a little longer. I do miss the innovative styles of my straighter sisters.

But back to the phone call. Why do WE women subject ourselves to humiliation and denigration for a man who maybe didn’t respect us in the first place? Deal with the man and not the woman. Deal with your relationship, because maybe the problem existed long before I came along. I am not apologetic, because it has happened to me, countless times and probably still occurring. I am very curious though as to why we get into commitments that we can’t seem to follow through on? On top of it all, she threatened to tell on me. I laugh now, but I was scared shitless. Then I thought clearly about it, and I made a decision a long time ago, I am an adult and every thing I do, I do it on purpose. I knew the consequences of my actions, so I’ll deal with it. So to her, I say, bring it on, BITCH!

I have been asked by married people who are very unhappy, why I’m not married. My answer today, as it was yesterday, maybe even tomorrow – show me ten couples that are truly content and working at their commitment. Maybe then I’ll consider it.

PAIN

Sometimes, the one person who's suppose to give you solace and love unconditionally, is the same person who hurts you so deeply. It's as though they know where to hit you the hardest.

I have had a very tumultuous relationship with my mother, all my life. We never really understood each other and I have always leaned to my father when I wanted something. (My father and I aren't the best of friends, now,but that's a whole book, maybe another time). My mother has this tendency to tell you every negative thing about you, never gives a compliment or commends the efforts you are making in life. Some days it buries me into depression and other times I use it as fuel to make me better.

I love my mother. It hurts more when she brings me down; I have had numerous emotional break downs in my life and a great deal of emotional scars.

I didn't really want a daughter because I believed that our relationship would have been the same and I figured having a son would be better, since my mother bonds with her sons a lot better. I have had wonderful relationships with most of my friends' mothers, one was like my mother in more ways than my own. And to her and her children, I say thank you for taking me in.

Anyway, to those who have lost their mothers, I could only imagine the void in your lives, especially if she was your friend. To those of us who are blessed to have our mothers around, appreciLove and take the good with the bad.

Have a good one.

Be Blessed!