Bring it on!

Very early one morning, last week, I got a disturbing phone call. On the other end the person used every conceivable obscene word in the Trinidadian language and she spoke about my skin tone, repeatedly saying that I was Black.

I did not need a reminder of my skin colour, I live with it everyday. Sad for her though, I am probably one of the most completely satisfied persons about being dark-skinned. I love it. Sometimes I wish I was darker, less blemishes. Long ago, in my fragile and un-wise youth, I thought that being a reds or even sapodilla brown was the thing to be. After too many experiences and way too many moments of self-defeat and insecurity, I have grown and learnt to appreciate me, and all of me. So now I own a Black car, a Blackberry (well its TSTT’s own) and I have a Black man and a very handsome Black son. Black is the new White, please recognize.

Why do we as Black people, all shades, hues, hair textures, cut each other down, based our skin tone differences? We, at least in the eyes of the White, are Black, all of us. If you have lived in any of the First world countries, or even visited, you would know this and learn to appreciate the fact that it is not such a big deal here in Trinidad.

I struggled to accept my natural hair, because it was difficult to manage and my father hated my current hairstyle, and he is afro-centric. My hairstyle was chosen, not to make a statement or to become part of a movement but it was at the time something to do, new and different. Now that it is growing and a little more presentable and easier to style, I may consider leaving it a little longer. I do miss the innovative styles of my straighter sisters.

But back to the phone call. Why do WE women subject ourselves to humiliation and denigration for a man who maybe didn’t respect us in the first place? Deal with the man and not the woman. Deal with your relationship, because maybe the problem existed long before I came along. I am not apologetic, because it has happened to me, countless times and probably still occurring. I am very curious though as to why we get into commitments that we can’t seem to follow through on? On top of it all, she threatened to tell on me. I laugh now, but I was scared shitless. Then I thought clearly about it, and I made a decision a long time ago, I am an adult and every thing I do, I do it on purpose. I knew the consequences of my actions, so I’ll deal with it. So to her, I say, bring it on, BITCH!

I have been asked by married people who are very unhappy, why I’m not married. My answer today, as it was yesterday, maybe even tomorrow – show me ten couples that are truly content and working at their commitment. Maybe then I’ll consider it.

PAIN

Sometimes, the one person who's suppose to give you solace and love unconditionally, is the same person who hurts you so deeply. It's as though they know where to hit you the hardest.

I have had a very tumultuous relationship with my mother, all my life. We never really understood each other and I have always leaned to my father when I wanted something. (My father and I aren't the best of friends, now,but that's a whole book, maybe another time). My mother has this tendency to tell you every negative thing about you, never gives a compliment or commends the efforts you are making in life. Some days it buries me into depression and other times I use it as fuel to make me better.

I love my mother. It hurts more when she brings me down; I have had numerous emotional break downs in my life and a great deal of emotional scars.

I didn't really want a daughter because I believed that our relationship would have been the same and I figured having a son would be better, since my mother bonds with her sons a lot better. I have had wonderful relationships with most of my friends' mothers, one was like my mother in more ways than my own. And to her and her children, I say thank you for taking me in.

Anyway, to those who have lost their mothers, I could only imagine the void in your lives, especially if she was your friend. To those of us who are blessed to have our mothers around, appreciLove and take the good with the bad.

Have a good one.

Be Blessed!

Magic Moments

Do you remember your first time? Not necessarily when you lost your virginity but the first time that you felt the magic of sex.

Losing your virginity, man and woman, may have been very awkward, exciting, anxious, scary situation. I'm referring to the first time that someone entered you or you entered someone, just when the bodies collide and the sheer magnitude of what was transpiring and the look of sincere love, trust and forever was in the other person's eyes and you melt, floating into a whole new realm...

Sorry, just floated away : ). Do you think about that magic moment?

Some of us experience magic every time we consummate our relationships, while others feel it every time they start a new one and sadly, there are those of us who have never had a magic moment. Then, there are those that are trying to rekindle it, in a relationship that has been in a rut for too long and got so comfortable that life without the other person seems impossible. They are the lost ones.

Anyway, I just wanted us to be reminded of those Magical Moments that makes us human beings. To those who haven't had that experience - seek and ye shall find. And to the rest of us, keep making magic.

Be Blessed

This is what I'm working on......

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
Enough money within her control to move out
And rent a place of her own,
Even if she never wants to or needs to...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
Something perfect to wear if the employer,
Or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
A youth she's content to leave behind....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
A past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
Retelling it in her old age....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ......
A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....
One friend who always makes her laugh... And one who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....
A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
And a recipe for a meal,
That will make her guests feel honored...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
A feeling of control over her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to fall in love without losing herself..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to quit a job,
Break up with a lover,
And confront a friend without;
Ruining the friendship...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
When to try harder... And WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That she can't change the length of her calves,
The width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to live alone... Even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. ..
Whom she can trust,
Whom she can't,
And why she shouldn't take it personally.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Where to go...
Be it to her best friend's kitchen table.
Or a charming inn in the woods...
When her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish in a day...
A month...and a year...


Maya Angelou

Waste -get rid of it!

Hey folks,

Do you remember at the end of your vacation, your parents would give you a worm-out or a purge? Do parents still do that? Anyway, my mother insisted on giving me one and I don't live at home anymore. While I was sitting on the toilet, i thought about getting rid of waste and the process. All the waste that we keep in our bodies, mind, heart and lives.

As it is Lent, and not only because it is Lent, we should take this opportunity to get rid of the waste that may be slowing us down - those in the body and those out of the body. Waste, as defined by Wikipedia: unwanted or undesired material. We all have waste in our lives. Now, I'm not saying to put yourself through the discomfort of a purge, but there are fibre foods that can help get rid of waste. I'm not a dietitian, so do your own research. However, I advise with regards to your emotional and somewhat, spiritual health, and I'm saying purge the negatives in your lives. These include, BAD relationships, friendships, colleagues, any one or thing that brings negativity to your day.

If you don't want conflict with your colleagues, avoid them. If the man or woman in your life is bringing you down, let them go. It is high time that we start loving our selves, unconditionally.

So, if you have not cleaned out your room, house or heart since whenever, it is time for a purge. It should be a course; do it until you are burden free and light on your feet. Life has so much more alternatives that the one you are currently on. A friend told me once that life is not easy, but I don't believe that it suppose to be THIS hard. Let's lighten our burdens, starting today.

Enjoy your day, got to run.

Be Blessed!

Superheroes

Do Superheroes sleep? Have you ever wondered?

I consider myself, and all other working wives and mothers, superwomen, in their own right. And many of us feel guilty when we sleep late or sleep in the daytime, because there are so many other things that we should or could be doing, either in the house or for our husbands or kids. That is just downright wrong, at all levels.

They say rest is for the dead, I say that sleep is for the soulful. Sleep is the period when your body rejuvenates, where your brain lacks clutter and magical thoughts are sparked and when healing takes place. Night rest gives closure to the past day and renewal of hope for the morning. Sleep is the pause button on your remote - very functional and necessary.

Now, I spoke about wives and mothers, but I will like to extend the importance of sleep to all. We live in a world where 24 hours just do not suffice. Between work, school and hours to commute, daily, we just don't have time. But we must rest! If we do not, we will not perform at our very best.

Hope everyone had a restful night and has welcomed the new dawn with joy and hope for a beautiful day. Remember to give thanks and praises to the Most High.

Be Blessed.

Love Anonymous

I stayed up looking at television, last night. With the slim choices of
good programs, I found myself looking at One Tree Hill. Do not ridcule
me, there was nothing else to watch.

The thing is every single show we view, series, program, or movie the
underlying essence is Love. What is this thing called Love? Why do we so
desperately search, yearn and die trying to find Love, knowing that the
end result is hurt and despair? Too many of us walk into emotionally
disastrous situations with our eyes and our legs open. Why?

It is said that a satisfying life is not complete without love. Even in
the series, last night, one of the characters had everything - own
business, fame, money and she was still unhappy. Yet still, we who have
so much less complain incessantly about our unhappiness. Is it only Love
we all crave? It seems that Love, Horn and AIDS are common denominators.
Rich, poor, famous, man, woman, black and white are all subjected to the
inevitable - Hurt. Again, why do we want Love?

In an idealistic time, long ago, I believed that one could love like
you've never been hurt. Who the fuck believes that? Pardon my french.
Really,are we walking headless chickens? Every time we enter into
another game of hearts, we remember what the last opponent put us
through, and we protect ourselves. The saddest thing, though is that we
eventually succumb, thinking that this game would have a different
outcome, guess what, hell fucking no. Same shit; different person.

Nonetheless, we persevere. We suffer our hearts, our minds, sometimes
even our children just to get the sweet nectar of love. Love = Heroin.
Maybe we should have a Love Anonymous, rehab for the broken hearted.

If you are hurting, depressed or even angry, know that you are not
suffering alone and that it will end with Time. You will move on, you
will heal with a scar and the irony is, you will get hurt again.

Love on, Love Strong.

Be Blessed!